smudie

The Walks

Do you remember? You wanted to go and sit in the shade; the sun was too hot on your black hair, you said. I watched you all the while as you spoke. I wanted to look behind your sunglasses and see what was in your eyes, what you were thinking; so I took them off, slowly, and we both smiled, slowly. And then we stood up and we went to sit down on another bench, in the shade underneath a tree. I can remember it all so clearly.

I think that during those few days we had together, we must have sat on each and every one of those benches there by the river. How long had it been? How many days? It had been too long, yet it could never be enough. The walks we went for every morning seemed to stretch out in my mind like a chain, a beautiful golden chain that went on and on forever. I couldn't remember a before; I couldn't imagine an after. There was only you: you, sitting there with me in the shade.

*

Do you remember? Two glasses of water stood there between us on the table. Of course, I know that not everything I remember is the truth, that it has been distorted by my remembering. But at the same time, it is the truth -- my truth. I remember that you were beautiful. I remember that I was happy.

I remember what I tried to say to you, and how you cried when I said it. Certainly we both knew that it could never come true. I wanted to say it anyway; it was necessary that it be said. But there was more, much more between us than those two simple glasses of water. He was there as well. He was there when you asked me to kiss you, there by the river in the sun -- all I could see was his face! And it was then that I realised that he would always come between us, that we could never escape his presence.

As I sipped some more of my water, I slid the poem that I had written for you into your hand. I could see that you wanted to cry again, and that was more than I could bear, so I kissed you. I have never known a sadness so complete as how I felt at that moment, because I knew that really I was kissing you goodbye.

*

Do you remember?

posted by smudie @ 2:33 PM